Empathy is a person's ability to (1) understand and (2) share the feelings of others, and empathy seems to be on the decline. As a matter of fact, college students today have 40% lower empathy levels than those 20 to 30 years ago, and these students are “less likely to agree with statements such as 'I sometimes try to understand my friends better by imagining how things look from their perspective' and 'I often have tender, concerned feelings for people less fortunate than me (University of Michigan News).'" It is possible that social factors, such as social media, may be contributing to this decline in empathy among college students, as a person's ability to recognize and respond to the feelings of others is affected by upbringing and environment(University of Cambridge). However, the good news is that people can learn to develop empathy (BBC News). Teaching and fostering empathy can be done through the theories and methodology of mediation. Before going into detail, it is important to mention that empathy is divided into two types, cognitive empathy and affective empathy. Cognitive empathy is a person's ability to recognize and understand the emotions of others. Affective empathy refers to a person's automatic response to other people's emotions, the sensations and feelings we get (Greater Good).
Chances are you were told there are positive emotions, such as joy and love; and then there are "negative" emotions, such as anger and sadness. There really is no such thing as a "negative" emotion. Putting a negative connotation on emotions like anger, sadness, and frustration only negate their importance in understanding ourselves and others. You see, all emotions are the way we communicate with ourselves. They are our internal dialogue, and, according to mediation methodology, emotions are often associated with values. What are values? Simple, they are whatever is important to you. It could be good communication, work/personal life balance, trust, honesty, commitment, etc. What I've learned from the theories and methodology of mediation is that the so-called negative emotions are simply warning signs or red flags that tell you you feel as if your values are not being met or are being infringed upon. For example, someone enters a restaurant in a good mood but leaves infuriated (emotion). Why? Because good customer service (value) was something that was important to them, and they didn't get it.
A coworker of mine began telling me about why she divorced her ex husband. She said he consistently lied to her, telling her things like he had fed their dog when he actually had not, so honesty (value) was important to her, and she was not getting it. While trying to relax, her husband would often nag her about immediately situating bill payments, as if such a task could not wait, so her free time (value) was something that was important to her, and he kept infringing upon it. I imagine that her anger continued to mount until she became fed up enough to initiate the divorce.
Ask a woman trying to form an intimate relationship with a man and she might say that good communication (value) is important in forming a relationship. If the man ends up being a poor communicator, never calling, never texting back, always making excuses, then the woman's value ends up not being met. She then leaves him for another man, rather than deal with the emotional fatigue or stress of always not having her value met, which I have seen happen several times.
We need to listen to our internal warning signs and not categorize them as "negative". Even in her book, Emotional Agility, Dr. Susan David came to the conclusion that labeling certain emotions as negative is not the right thing to do, because of how crucial those emotions are to understanding ourselves and others (David, Susan 56). Think about it, if you saw a warning sign that said “Cliff up ahead!” what would you do, (A) hit the accelerator or (B) hit the brakes? I believe anyone would choose B. No one would ever say a warning sign that says “Cliff up ahead!” is a negative thing, or a “Stop” or “Yield” sign. Those warning signs are in place to protect us and save our lives while driving. So why should we label our internal warning signs as something negative?
By identifying the values behind your emotions, you're hitting the brakes instead of the accelerator. Identifying the values behind your emotions is an effective method for introspection and processing your emotions, to figure out just why you feel the way you do. This is also a huge key to understanding the emotions of others, and this is how the theories and methodology of mediation fosters cognitive empathy. The theories and methodology of mediation says to understand the emotion, you have to uncover the value behind it. Mediators do this by reflecting. Reflecting is uncovering values behind emotions and finding words that matches the intensity of what another person is trying to express to you.
I once had a job that I was dissatisfied with. If you were to ask me why, I would have probably said something to the extent of, “(1) I never have enough time to myself. (2) I'm always trying to scrape up money to pay the bills. (3) I don't like the way this company evaluates success; it's just so unfair!” Now, let's dissect this in the form of a reflection. From what I said, a mediator would gather that (1) work/personal life balance, (2) financial stability, and (3) fairness are what is important to me. This is a reflection. This is what it means to uncover the values associated with a person's emotions and finding words that matches the intensity of what the person is expressing.
The meaning of cognitive empathy is to understand a person's emotions and why they feel the way they do. So, reflecting becomes a practice of cognitive empathy.
Reflections are tainted and become watered down, so to speak, when we reframe. Reframing happens when I say, "I'm pissed about this crappy job that I have," and you pat me on the wrist and say, “Sounds like you're a tad bit frustrated because . . .” Reframing only leads a person to feel as if they are not being heard and that you do not truly understand them. Reframing seeks to rephrase what a person is trying to express in a more positive light.
Chances are you were told there are positive emotions, such as joy and love; and then there are "negative" emotions, such as anger and sadness. There really is no such thing as a "negative" emotion. Putting a negative connotation on emotions like anger, sadness, and frustration only negate their importance in understanding ourselves and others. You see, all emotions are the way we communicate with ourselves. They are our internal dialogue, and, according to mediation methodology, emotions are often associated with values. What are values? Simple, they are whatever is important to you. It could be good communication, work/personal life balance, trust, honesty, commitment, etc. What I've learned from the theories and methodology of mediation is that the so-called negative emotions are simply warning signs or red flags that tell you you feel as if your values are not being met or are being infringed upon. For example, someone enters a restaurant in a good mood but leaves infuriated (emotion). Why? Because good customer service (value) was something that was important to them, and they didn't get it.
A coworker of mine began telling me about why she divorced her ex husband. She said he consistently lied to her, telling her things like he had fed their dog when he actually had not, so honesty (value) was important to her, and she was not getting it. While trying to relax, her husband would often nag her about immediately situating bill payments, as if such a task could not wait, so her free time (value) was something that was important to her, and he kept infringing upon it. I imagine that her anger continued to mount until she became fed up enough to initiate the divorce.
Ask a woman trying to form an intimate relationship with a man and she might say that good communication (value) is important in forming a relationship. If the man ends up being a poor communicator, never calling, never texting back, always making excuses, then the woman's value ends up not being met. She then leaves him for another man, rather than deal with the emotional fatigue or stress of always not having her value met, which I have seen happen several times.
We need to listen to our internal warning signs and not categorize them as "negative". Even in her book, Emotional Agility, Dr. Susan David came to the conclusion that labeling certain emotions as negative is not the right thing to do, because of how crucial those emotions are to understanding ourselves and others (David, Susan 56). Think about it, if you saw a warning sign that said “Cliff up ahead!” what would you do, (A) hit the accelerator or (B) hit the brakes? I believe anyone would choose B. No one would ever say a warning sign that says “Cliff up ahead!” is a negative thing, or a “Stop” or “Yield” sign. Those warning signs are in place to protect us and save our lives while driving. So why should we label our internal warning signs as something negative?
By identifying the values behind your emotions, you're hitting the brakes instead of the accelerator. Identifying the values behind your emotions is an effective method for introspection and processing your emotions, to figure out just why you feel the way you do. This is also a huge key to understanding the emotions of others, and this is how the theories and methodology of mediation fosters cognitive empathy. The theories and methodology of mediation says to understand the emotion, you have to uncover the value behind it. Mediators do this by reflecting. Reflecting is uncovering values behind emotions and finding words that matches the intensity of what another person is trying to express to you.
I once had a job that I was dissatisfied with. If you were to ask me why, I would have probably said something to the extent of, “(1) I never have enough time to myself. (2) I'm always trying to scrape up money to pay the bills. (3) I don't like the way this company evaluates success; it's just so unfair!” Now, let's dissect this in the form of a reflection. From what I said, a mediator would gather that (1) work/personal life balance, (2) financial stability, and (3) fairness are what is important to me. This is a reflection. This is what it means to uncover the values associated with a person's emotions and finding words that matches the intensity of what the person is expressing.
The meaning of cognitive empathy is to understand a person's emotions and why they feel the way they do. So, reflecting becomes a practice of cognitive empathy.
Reflections are tainted and become watered down, so to speak, when we reframe. Reframing happens when I say, "I'm pissed about this crappy job that I have," and you pat me on the wrist and say, “Sounds like you're a tad bit frustrated because . . .” Reframing only leads a person to feel as if they are not being heard and that you do not truly understand them. Reframing seeks to rephrase what a person is trying to express in a more positive light.
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